You want me to put what in my WHAT?!

Ok so... Im online today and hitting up stumble upon when I run across an article about a product that promises you that it can silence your farts and make them smell better. Every single fucking one of us on the planet has at one point in time let one go... sometimes we cant even hold it in and we let one go in a rather inconvenient time.

A fart silencer? Youre saying to yourself... well might be worth it right? WRONG.. this particular model has to be put in your asshole.... right up the poop chute...

The "Fart Silencer" , created by a Chinese fellow named "Big Chicken Mushroom" from WuHan, is a tube with one end being completely open while the other end the end that aims out .. has tiny holes in it... Here is a photo...

They come in a multitude of eye pleasing colors... FYI I have the same color tampons in my cabinet and I cannot swear that these are not essentially tampon sheathes with holes in them except that they have no slices in the top... anyway enough about tampons.. were focusing on putting things in our ass at the moment not our hoo hoos... 

The user simply inserts the open end into their asshole when they feel a fart coming and PRESTO! No sound... also for no smell the manufacturer suggests that you insert a cotton ball with perfume on it into the tube prior to insertion.
Here's the deal though... if youre somewhere that you might not want to be heard farting isnt letting out a little steam gonna be slightly less alarming than dropping your pants, bending over, and shoving a tube full of perfume saturated cotton up your ass?!?!?!

HOW ALARMED WILL THEY BE THEN!!??  


At that point you could probably shit yourself and it would be more socially acceptable. I dont think that anyone will be "pre-inserting" them, if you will, anytime soon.  


Mostly, because I know I would probably attempt it.. get the tube about 1/8" in and start screaming loudly "OW OW NO NO NO ILL JUST DIE!" I cannot imagine the absolute fear one must be experiencing to be able to SHOVE A TUBE UP THEIR ASS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE THEM! 


I think that maybe this can be safely called a NO GO and will not hit it off anytime soon with any HOPE of popularity.. I do however think if Myth Busters does another fart fueled show (see what I did there?) I think they should TEST THIS OUT!!!!